Sunday, September 19, 2010

Superman vs A Really Angry Porcupine

Written on: September 19th, 2010

So I was bored one evening and decided I wanted to do another movie recap-ish thing. And what better than another random comic-book movie most people have never been cursed to hear of?.
Superman Doomsday is an hour and a half animated feature made in 2007. It is officially rated PG-13, more or less.
Again, if you don't like spoilers or intend to watch this movie seriously, stop here. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy reading a lot of nonsense.
Please note that I'm not really all that fond of Superman and am thus inclined to.... not hide it.

Our story opens with shiny blue. Which eventually begins to form letters. You might assume WB, for Warner Brothers. No. WP. Warner Premier. Which I have NEVER heard of. Anyway.

Our story actually begins with a still-image of a very gaunt (in the face, not the body) looking Superman, holding two thugs up by.... their pants?. Their belts?. Their underwear?. What IS he holding?. The thugs look appropriately frightened by being held in the air by the behind-your-back-place. Maybe the bad drawing of Superman's face is the artist's fault. All thugs are masked so you don't have to deal with the horror of their hideous faces.
After taking several seconds to study this picture, the first dialogue is said “just look at him”.
Which I have been doing for about five seconds before any word was spoken.
We get a lovely slideshow of Superman doing Superman-ish things. And that dude voice sounds like it has a crush on him. Not sure if the “so sleek” was related to Superman or the plane he was holding at the time. I'll get back to you.
Yep, this is the villain. They're talkin' 'bout how Superman is god-like and thus all the pitiful humans should worship him appropriately (what do you care, scary villain voice?. You're just gonna try to kill him later. Who cares if the peasants are worshiping him beforehand?).
He makes some thinly veiled threats to Superman's image and we see him. Yep, dark-skinned baldy, must be evil. It's the law of cartooning. Only... his mouth ain't movin' while he talks. Telepathy?. That seems a bit over-kill to speak to the image of our really horribly drawn super-hero. He seriously looks like someone pulled a tooth and his mouth REALLY hurts, but he has to pretend to smile.

DUN-DUN! (seriously, that's what happens next. DUN-DUN!). Opening credits time!.
Look, some random CGI clouds :D.
Guess what?. DC was involved. And so were some other people. Good fer them.
The credits go on for some time, with vaguely Superman-theme sounding epic music. I can't make too much fun, since the theme was pretty awesome. Still, the credits were a touch long.
Seriously, you could write down a name before the credits turned to another one.
And the background is pretty much zooming over some clouds, coming towards earth, an explosion, zooming over clouds at night.... etc.
And then we see.... The City. Except at first we think it's a really big close up of an Oreo (seriously, it looks like an Oreo. A giant Oreo). And then we zoom in and assume we're either in Gotham City or Metropolis looks exactly like Gotham City. More credits.

The credits finally end and we get to listen to some horn-honking and watch random white things (birds?) flapping over the buildings.
And zoom into the Daily Planet where we meet Lois Lane and the Chief arguing about whether or not to write about some charity. Which is apparently run by Lex Luthor (who is Superman's major enemy guy. Well, one of them anyway). But we don't care, because we're wondering about Lane's lip-stick (where did she get that weird shade of pink?. Krypton?. It's SO weird). We also ponder the shade of her skin (is she supposed to look Mexican?. Or what?. That's too dark for white... but.... what on earth?. Or is she the Kryptonian and Superman's from earth?). And then we wonder what idiot decided her red shirt went with her skin tone and lip-stick. Isn't she supposed to be remotely fashion-conscious?.
Oh right, the charity. Yes, says Lane. No, says Chief. But I want to. No. Please?. Definitely not.
Okay, okay, that's not what they said. Basically, but they used much bigger words. Like philanthropy.

We zoom out to see this weird kid with bright orange hair listening outside the door. He looks like a janitor, but I'm pretty sure it's just Jimmy.
The yelling gets louder and scares Janitor-Kid away. Lane comes out and her hair is no longer brown. It's black now. And her lip-stick is red. She and Chief yell at each other for a bit while we ponder whether or not his tie and her blouse are exactly the same color.
Then Chief talks to Kent and he makes a vague comment that pretty much screams “hey look, Superman”. Then again, who else would he be with a face like that?. I mean seriously: WHAT WAS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?. And why is his jacket the same color as his skin?.
They make some lame jokes, the Clark talks to Jimmy, who is about half as tall (his nose was about even with Clark's waist). He can't be THAT short, since Lane and Chief were right next to him a bit ago and he was only a tiny bit shorter.
Even with a better disguise, I'm afraid Superman would still stand out. He's way too tall and weirdly proportioned not to be noticed.
Oh look, a picture of an old lady was hiding behind his suitcase. He picks it up, smiles at it, puts it down and pokes the spacebar on his computer (to turn it off apparently). And then he leaves and we wonder how he manages to sit in his desk chair. He is much too huge. And it is much to small, maybe even too small for midget Jimmy.
Lane is throwing a temper tantrum at her desk, but Clark decides to say goodbye anyway. She calls him names and ignores him. And for some strange reason he's surprised.

And here we cut to... middle of nowhere. It looks like the Grand Canyon. And there's some random dude in an army getup just starin' out into the dark. He's at the edge of the cliff-like place. He's staring, staring, staring.... ah... the sound of... robins?. At night?. Near the Grand Canyon?. Ah well, it's peaceful. He uses his binoculars to peer around and the camera swings over. Oh look, more guys. They seem to be stealing something.... from the middle of nowhere (please don't take our rocks away!. We love them so!. Their natural beauty inspires us!). Zoom!. Down a tunnel. Ooh, explosion. Pwetty fire!.
Yes, these rocks are on fire!. Awesome!. Aww, it went out. And behind it... a pile of rubble that a random work vehicle comes and scoops up. And then they fire a laser at what's left. But we decide to follow a random vehicle that looks like it should be hauling toxic waste.
Apparently Superman can't see two miles below the earth's surface. Good for him. But why do we CARE?. We're drilling rocks in the middle of nowhere. Are we mining for gold?. Or drilling beneath the city?. Or maybe we're just building a cave to live in. Why would Superman care what they're doing right now?.
Apparently the cave is very hot. Because they are digging for radiation. That's kinda special.
BOOM!. Oh look!. We just uncovered this weird... (it looks like a space ship, but don't tell anybody).

And now, back to the city. Baldy is starin' out his window at the city. Ah, I can see my reflection, how nice... Apparently Baldy is Luthor. And his staring out the window is too important for whatever his secretary might want to say. Instead he wants her to take this block of random wires to somebody. Because it's important. Apparently Luthor wants to help with medical stuff.... really, really slowly. How very... evil of him. Mwahaha?. Great, his secretary is named “Mercy”. How nice.
Apparently she came to tell him that... Project Applecore found stuff. Yes, Applecore. Because that sounds like a project everyone should be working on.
To the arctic!.

Superman is in an icy cave, messing around with some frozen statues and weird gizmos.
He is apparently searching for the cure for cancer. Because he has nothing better to do. He uses some more big words, as the people in this film like to do and talks to his robot friend.
Then Lane shows up, apparently having taken a shower. What shower?. There's a shower in this ice cave?. How weird. She and Superman exchange random verbal vaguely veiled inappropriateness.
And then they kiss for a REALLY long time. And the robot just sort of stands there, with one of the two towels Lane had. Fortunately, she's using the other one.

RANDOM USELESS EXPLOSION!. BOOM!. We're back in the cave. And we get to follow this really slow vehicle-type thingamajig. Yep. That thing we found?. It's a space craft. Because if we said “ship”, people would think we were crazy. Oh wait, they already do.
Now if we just carefully laser away the rocks.... OOPS, we hit the ship. It's smoking and making an angry growl sound now. Should it be doing that?. I think we made it mad.
And suddenly everything is all dark and red. And a big angry thing smashes through the craft. Yep, it's spiky, growling and has beady red eyes. It's mad. Really mad.
It spends several minutes smashing random people and toppling vehicles and roaring angrily. Then it eats out camera man. Mmmm delicious!.

And now Luthor realizes. Hmmm, maybe that thing was locked away for a reason.
This is a lesson everyone should learn: Do not open creepy things in dark caves in the middle of nowhere that are buried “before the dinosaurs time”. They are invariably horrible, evil, unkillable things that want to either take over the world or kill everybody. Preferably both.

Our spiky friend has found himself some huge trousers (which is good... I don't WANT to know). And some more random people to smash. And... OOH LOOK A DEER!. That's like, totally the most distracting thing ever!. I think I'll stare at it for several seconds. Aww... it's running away.
ROAR!. This angers me!. I'll chase it!. Okay, Spike never said anything except “grr.... rr.... grrarr.... ROAR!”.
He chases deer. And catches. And rips it's head off (but in a way that we don't actually see). To demonstrate.... what exactly?. He's twice as big as Superman (assuming all the worker folk were the same height as the Daily Planet folk). At that size, catching a deer and ripping its head off isn't terrible... scary. It's just sort of normal. When you're huge and have giant spikes growing out of your chest. And no, he's not going to eat it. He's just gonna leave it there.

Back at the ice cave, Superman and Lane are sitting on a block of ice, talking about romance related stuff. Fortunately, they are wearing matching robes (seriously, where is this stuff coming from?. Is he flying off to get it whenever he feels like it?).
And she suspects that Superman and Clark may be the same person. Meh, no surprise there.

And now to a cabin in.... next to a neighborhood. And a barking dog. WOOF!. WOOF!. YIPE!.
And random guy in cabin runs out, in his nightclothes.... with nothing to protect himself. His guard dog went nuts and then yelped that death yelp that dogs do only in film. That's smart.
AAHHH!!!!!!!. Big angry thing!. EEP!. GAK!. The end.

Luthor is worried about all the dead people. Mostly because he thinks people will trace it to him. And his illegal digging in the middle of nowhere in search of radiation. Mercy assures him nothing will be traced back to him. Yeah, sure, that's likely.

Superman and Lane have a fight. Well... Lane has a temper tantrum. Superman just sort of stands there.
Robot tries to be helpful, but it's really a moron and can't help at all.

Here comes Spiky, trudging through some forest, knockin' down some trees. Not because they're in his way, because (we assume) they offend him. I question now whether he can open that mouth of his. If he can, he's got some really nasty sharp fangs. But he hasn't AT ALL yet, not even when growling.
Oh look, a semi-truck. I hate it. I want to smash it!. YAY!.
And it's little wonder, with whatever that horrible song is playing on the radio. Some truck smashing, driver screams, that sort of thing. Mmmmm, fire. Well that was fun. I want something else to smash.
Ooh look!. A city!. Yep, a huge city surrounded by wilderness on all sides. Sounds like a great place to smash some stuff!.

Lane is still sulking. But Superman doesn't know how to sulk or be mad. So he kisses her instead.
And starts to tell her who he is. But Robot distracts him. Because it is a “matter of terrific urgency”.
I get the feeling that the people who made this film just flipped through a dictionary and picked words at complete and total random (Ah, that one sounds nice and important. And ooh look, it's over fifteen letters!). Robot complexly explains that Spiky is the product of a random alien civilization who wanted to create a super-soldier. Unfortunately, Spiky is too dumb to tell friend from foe and thus goes around smashing everything. Supposedly everything living, but it likes to smash buildings and trucks too.

And now the army has been called in to try and kill Spiky. I'm thinkin' this giant spike-monster who is smashing random vehicles and walking around in the flames is not gonna care that much about some bullets and grenades. Maybe I'm wrong.....
Nope, not wrong. It just makes him mad. More people smashing. Spiky now magically has boots.
Superman is coming for Spiky now. Lane stays on a random rooftop and calls Jimmy to meet her “here” now. How is he supposed to know where “here” is?. Is he psychic?.
Ooh, they have tanks now. That shoot FIRE. Because that's been so effective.
Spiky punches the fire. Yes, that's what I said. More guys shoot at him ineffectively. He smashes them.
And then throws a tank at some other army guys. He picks up another tank, only to have some missiles shot at him. Which, oddly enough, makes him more angry. He throws the tank at the guys with missile launchers. Dey go squish.
Then he throws another tank, but Superman has finally arrived and catches it. He puts it down and blows at Spiky. Spiky just gets mad and charges him. But then he finally turns into an ice block.
For about two seconds. Then he tries to smash Superman. Who urghs for awhile, but finally pushes him away. Spiky is infuriated and roars, opening his mouth for the very first time. And then he swings at Superman, misses but hits the tank and sends it spinning off into a building. Superman completes his elaborate dodge, then hops over and hits Spiky. Which just makes it angry. It grabs his hand at the third punch and commences with the creaking noises (one of them needs oiling. I'm betting on Superman).
He then punches Superman, who kinda roll/flips across the street. Spiky jumps and Superman flies to meet him. They crash around and blow some stuff up. Then Spiky launches Superman into a tall building. Ouch. Oh look, hi people inside the building!. Sorry for smashing into your wall.

Lane has stolen a helicopter and frightens Jimmy with her poor flying skills.
Spiky and Superman punch each other some more. Desperate dramatic fighting music.
More bad flying. More stuff explodes.
Lane and Jimmy arrive in time to watch Spiky grab Superman, turn him upside down and smash his head into the asphalt. Ouch. Dat hurt. Spiky smashes Superman into a few more buildings, then punches him through a wall. More ouch. Dat hurted more. And then Spiky tromps on him for awhile.
Above, Jimmy takes photos and tries not to fall out of the helicopter.
He gets distracted. When he looks back, Spiky is gone, just Superman in a hole in the road now.
ACK!. Spiky got closer!. He doesn't want his picture took!. He leaps several hundred feet in the air, grabs the chopper and starts to climb in. Jimmy and Lane both scream like girls.
Superman hears them and comes to the rescue. The side of the copter gets too heavy and it kinda tilts. Superman falls off, then Jimmy kicks loose the bit our giant spiky friend was holding on to.
He and Lane watch the pair fall..... and fall.... falling.... still falling..... crash!. Oof. Ow.
Our spiky buddy hops right back up, Superman not far behind. This time, Spiky has clamped onto the base of the copter. Superman tries to haul him off, ripping out the belly of the copter.
I can't wait for them to explain this to their insurance agent.
Spiky is still hangin' onto one side of the landing gear. Superman lasers that off and they fall. Again.
I'm asking you: how does he expect Lane and Jimmy to get back to the ground?. HOW?!.
Superman carries Spiky far enough to drop him into a huge (unoccupied?) building, then heads back up to the helicopter. But we get to watch Spiky as he falls down twenty stories.
As the building caves, Superman helps the chopper down.... right next to the building. Sure, that's safe.

Spiky smashes his way out of the rubble. Have we ever considered.... talking to him?. Maybe he'd.... wait, nevermind. That definitely wouldn't work. I'm not even sure Spiky's smart enough to talk.
Spiky is no worse for wear, but he's drooling now. Eewwww....
He charges, Superman flies towards him. When their fists (arguable in Spiky's case) collide, the camera is blinded by light (what?. Where the heck is THAT from?).
Both are thrown back to their starting points by the force, but are uninjured. They charge again.
This time the camera isn't blinded and we get to watch them punch each other some more.
At some point, Superman back flips over Spiky, grabs the inside of his mouth (EW!. That's gross!. Even if he can't catch any viruses....) and tosses him WWAAAAAYYYYY down the street. BOOM!.
Boom?. Explosive?. Where?.
Spiky smashes through a building, Superman follows.
And Luthor watches from his nearby tower, apparently not in the least worried that maybe they'll smash through his tower next.
Superman smashes Spiky into an electrical... monstrosity of cables. ZAP!. But.... Spiky's still fine.
He grabs Superman by the neck and charges through some explosives and back up the street, heading for where they started (as a side note, he looks like an excited girl, running to show mommy her new doll. Sorry, but it's true “Mommy, Mommy!. Look!. I got a Superman doll!. See!?). And then he smashes Superman into an intersection. Yes.... an entire intersection. It was... special. They break through to a subway. And throw each other around down there.
AUGH!. SUBWAY TRAIN!. Spiky has always dreamed of crushing his very own train and is completely distracted from Superman. Superman pants for a bit, then flies after him. He knocks Spiky away from the train. They fight some more.

Above ground, stupid people are gathering around the giant hole in the intersection, which is now a sidewalk (shut up, it doesn't need explaining). They are attracted by the irresistible sight of smoke and sound of large, powerful things smashing each other through concrete. Sure, they're safe up here.
Never mind that one can fly and the other can jump high enough that flying is no longer an issue.
Behind them, Spiky has just punched Superman through the ceiling. He crashes into a building and lands on the ground. Oof. Spiky jumps out after him.
But look!. Terrified idiots!. He's always wanted those!. He runs after all the stupid, screaming fools.
But.... guess what?. Superman AGAIN stops him (you know, sometimes Superman comics have good ideas, but then they KEEP going. I mean, it's all well and good that Superman will sacrifice himself for other people, but they've done this EXACT thing like... five times now. In as many minutes).
True to form, Lane and Jimmy aren't running. They're taking pictures.
More Spiky and Superman hitting each other around the city. But Superman is very tired, he'd rather be napping. In the arctic. Spiky doesn't seem tired. He's just drooling more (EW!. That's gross!. Stop it right now!. Ew!).

And now for an old woman, watching someone report the battle on the news. She looks sad. Who IS she supposed to be?.
And now back to Spiky vs. Superman.

There is more hitting, punching, kicking, throwing and smashing, but it's mostly Spiky now.
EW, Superman just squirted blood from his mouth. That's gross. Spiky picks up Superman to punch him some more, but there's a random stupid kid wandering through the rubble.
Instead of “let's finish the guy in tights and THEN kill the girl” he decides to do the stupid thing.
Yep, go for the girl. Guess what happens next?.
Yep, you got it. Another Super rescue. Superman flies himself and Spiky into the air. WAAAAYYY into the air. But then he passes out or Spiky is too heavy or something because they fall back to earth.
Wildly desperate dramatic music plays as they kick and punch each other back into the atmosphere.
HUGE EXPLOSION!. Which topples a few.... a lot of buildings.
Deep, deep down in a crater, we finally spot Spiky, who was on top of Superman when we last saw them. He's smoking. And his eyes go out. The glowing red eyes. Yeah.
Lane and Jimmy run towards the crater like the morons they are.
And there's a flag.... no, a cape attached to a stick. It flips around, then blows away.
Was that stick....O.o
Oh, no... he's still alive, kinda stumblin' out of the smoke. Oops, he fell down.
Sad music. She talks to him. And then..... I don't believe it. He.... he.... he.... DIED.
YAY!. WHEEEE!!!.... oh, erm...*cough cough* WAAAHHHHH!!!!!.
Everybody cries. Including the old lady watching TV.
Well.... not everybody. The Robot doesn't cry. It just sits down and sulks in its ice chair.

FUNERAL TIME!. Some bald guy says said stuff as the camera pans over all the people of the city standing in the streets and looking... more confused than sad.
Okay, skipping time.

More sadness. Suspicion of Luthor's guilt. Somebody wants to hire Jimmy because he kept taking pictures. More sadness by the peasants. Lane finally discovers that Clark is Superman. Good fer her.
More using giant words. A bunch of people thieving things. Jimmy quits. Luthor plots stuff. Lane has a new sidekick, who is a coward. Lane does human heroics to randomly save people.

All this violence has a horrible (I mean miraculous) effect on our recently buried Superman.
He starts busting out of his grave... like a horrible brain eating zombie!. Or maybe just like.. Superman.
Either way, it's bad news...ahm.... I mean... that's nice... haha, yeah.
Just as the giant pink robot spider shoves the school bus off a bridge, Superman rescues the two occupants, Lane and a small ugly child with a cute teddy bear (yes, that's EXACTLY what happened).
He goes and stops the villain with the spider with relative ease.
He was dead all of eight minutes. Too bad. Sorry.

So he flies through the air with Lane that evening, trying to explain (with big huge random words) how he's alive. Basically comes to... he has no idea. And he doesn't feel like kissing her (I'm thinking either Spiky got a really crazy makeover or this dude's a clone).
Yep, Clark still hasn't returned. How sad.

Superman goes to visit Luthor, wanders into a kryptonite room and lets Luthor beat him senseless.
Just to get back in the swing of things I guess.
Oh, it's a clone. Which does what Luthor tells it to. Like get beaten up.
He has the real Superman, who doesn't seem all that lively.
He talks for awhile, using big words to explain that he's a crazed phsycopath and wanted to kill Superman himself, but when he couldn't he created a clone which has strength and morals, but no brains and thus does whatever Luthor tells it to.

Lane stares randomly at the new guy, who seems to have replaced Clark.
She and Clark's mother have a telephone conversation about not seeing Clark. At all.
In the next scene, Lane has located Jimmy. She grabs him by the earring (yes he has one, don't ask why) and drags him around the corner.
She tries to convince Jimmy to help her figure out what's up with Superman and his sudden affection for Luthor. But Jimmy doesn't want to. He'd rather go back to the club he was photographing and listen to the mind-numbing thump noise it's making every few seconds.

Luthor returns from.... I dunno, a joyful skip through the park?.... to find Superman gone. He checks the film log. But there's a random blackout. So.... who stole his Superman?. It was his favorite one!.
Even though it was dead.

Robot has theived Superman and put him in a vat of probably really cold water.

Our Superclone is out watching the news and discovers that a villain has killed a child.
Angry, he flies away to do who knows what.

Meanwhile, at the ice cave....
Superman has just discovered something very interesting. He's not dead. And his doctor is Robot.
Robot explains everything going on currently in about twenty words. So I type too much, big deal.

Superclone kidnaps the villain from the police and flies him high into the air. And then drops him.
It appears Superclone has his own view on the value of life. A more effective view.

Lane is shocked when she gets the call and runs to the scene. Which is rather messy. She sees Jimmy taking pictures and glares at him... probably because he was on the wrong side of the crime scene. Or maybe it was because of his hideous pink shirt which has replaced his janitor outfit.
In the morning, Superclone is interviewed and everybody is shocked by his bad behavior.
And that evening, Superclone rescues a cat and makes vieled threats towards the old woman who owns the cat for letting it outside.
Police stop by to arrest him, but he lasers their weapons, then walks away.
Superclone isn't very nice. And doesn't follow the law. Good for Superclone.... I mean.... bad clone. BAD clone. Umm.... haha?.

At the ice cave, Superman continues to heal. Good fer him.
Luthor grumbles at Superclone for not minding his manners, then tells him to go fetch the body.... which isn't so very dead anymore.
But Superclone is in a bad mood and would rather get his hair done.
Well, actually he uses the mirror to drill some lead covered kryptonite out of his brain (shut up, it makes sense.... or not).
Lane goes after Luthor, trying to get at the truth about what Luthor did.
Luthor would rather make out with her. But Lane sticks him with a needle and knocks him out.
Then she messes around in his files and plays on his computer.

Superman is beginning to feel like himself again.

Meanwhile, Jimmy has joined up with Lane and is back in his janitor outfit.
They break into Luthor's “highly” secure facility.... to find a bunch of vats with little blobs of goo in them. A lot of Superclones. They get so distracted that they forget that Luthor might wake up.
And he does. And goes on a villain rant about how the clones are his and Lane and Jimmy are about to die, cheerful stuff like that.
But Superclone I has returned. And he's a little ticked about the whole “kryptonite in brain” thing.
He lasers through all the vats, destroying the superclones instantly.
Jimmy takes a bunch of pictures. And somehow, magically, we never see below the waist of all the naked superclones. That doesn't bother us a bit.
But then the camera pans over and forces us to look at their deadness. They're still covered by random bits of glass, which is weird, but I'm oddly okay with that.
Superclone tells Jimmy and Lane to leave, using MORE big words (Seriously, isn't “get out of here” good enough anymore?).
Luthor tries to draw Superclone into his kryptonite room, but apparently Superclone is smarter than Luthor gave him credit for. He closes the door and locks Luthor in. He then makes off with the entire room, hauling it away and then dropping the room. It crashes through a building, makes people in the streets scream, the usual.

At the ice cave.
Superman seems to be enjoying lifting random items. Robot turns on the news.
Superman discovers that Superclone has dropped Luthor through a building and that the idiots running things want to send the military after Superclone (and we all know how well that'll work).
Robot protests that Superman is not fully strong (yep, it's special).
But Superman doesn't care. He takes his “solar suit” and a kryptonite gun.

And none too soon, the military is closing in on Superclone, who isn't all that impressed by their random tanks and guns. From atop his high perch, he lasers them and causes many a massive explosion. Around the corner, Lane and Jimmy are watching and taking pictures.
Fighter jets show up and Superclone happily blasts them away too.
Well.... maybe some helicopters will do better. Hmmm..... nope.

AH!. The real Superman has returned. With his weird shaggy hair and ridiculous suit (more ridiculous than his regular one, you ask?. I actually don't know. It's a toss up).
Superman and Superclone have a fun little discussion about ethics and methods and such.
They don't agree, big surprise.
Epic battle in the sky time. But it's okay. Apparently smashing your fists together REALLY hard shatters glass. Almost as good as an explosion :D
Lane and Jimmy follow the action in a jeep they found.
The two use pretty much every Superman power we know of, Superclone winning out because he's a bit more healthyish than Superman right now.
Metropolis has successfully done it. It now looks like a proper warzone.
Superman and Superclone continue to smash stuff and punch each other.
Superclone has the upper hand still, no surprise. I think it's the cape.
They have a fun battle by the pier with lots of heavy machinery to chuck at each other (I'm wondering, is there anywhere Superman HASN'T fought in this movie?. Other than, like, inside a building {on the other hand, he's smashed through several, does that count?}.).
They swap more insults. Then commence with a basic repeat of the last quarter of Superman's battle with Spiky. Except with more insults and less drooling.

Superclone punches Superman into his own tombstone and is about to.... you know... kill him. Again...
When Lane and Jimmy arrive with the kryptonite gun (so that's where they've been).
Lane manages a single shot, then Superman and Superclone start fighting in a convenient oil spill (after Superclone blasts the laser out of her hands).
Superclone knocks out Superman, then grabs the HUGE tombstone and attempts to drop it on “our hero”. Unfortunately for Superclone, he got the cartridge of kryptonite stuck to him and Superman blasts it open. Cough, cough... hurk!. GAK!.
Sad scene.... all the clone wanted was to protect the people *sniffle*
Then a happy scene. Yep, it's the RIGHT Superman this time.
YAY!. Well.... they yayed anyway.
And then, back at.... Lane's home?.... Superman reveals to her that he is, in fact, Clark Kent.
Which she is apparently thrilled to hear. She jumps on him and kisses him and they knock over a wall when he falls over.

And.... Luthor is still alive. And still evil.
The End.

So the moral is.....
Don't kill evil people?.
Don't make clones and then abuse them?.
True love triumphs?.
Robots can save your life?.
Ooh, I know!. I know!. Never get into a fight with a really angry porcupine :D

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