Shimmering One - A King In The Making

Written: October 4, 2011

The words “noble”, “elegant” and “kingly” came instantly to mind when I interacted with the little velvet blue fish. He was neither shy nor aggressive, but seemed more tolerant than curious.

As if he felt it beneath him to react to the finger which had come into contact with his world.

He had made a ring of bubbles around the top of his cup. This ring was precise and uniform, but seemed to be just that. It seemed to hold little significance for him, as if he knew his bubble nest was superior to all the others and thus did not need defending.

He had an air of polite indifference about him that drew me in.

It didn't seem like arrogance somehow, for he truly looked and behaved as though he were royal.

In fact, that was how I first described his color: royal blue.

He did not seem offended when I disturbed his cup and held it up to get a better look at it. It surprised me that I noticed that he wasn't offended before I noticed that he wasn't afraid.

But when he realized he was no longer on the shelf and seemed to be staring down into space, his regal indifference vanished for a moment.

He panicked and hit his snout against the wall of his cup.

Then, regaining his composure, he paused and looked down, still slightly ruffled.

He didn't seem particularly embarrassed by his undignified display of fear. More like he was ashamed of himself. Like a Prince who showed fear before the King.

It wasn't hard to see that the little blue one hid his fear behind a mask of calm.

I hadn't seen this in a fish before. It intrigued me.

Still, I felt that I should be fair and inspect all of the other Bettas.

I had to set him and another fish of the same color on another shelf so I could see the ones in the back row. Most of those were dead, crazed or otherwise undesirable.

One was an incredibly tiny white fellow, who I could hardly even believe was male.

I checked his label twice, just to be sure. He looked like a female.

The unusual appearance drew my attention, but he seemed very lifeless.

So I was drawn once more to the royal blue one.

It was down to him or a red one. But the red was very aggressive and agitated easily.

So I chose the little blue one. It took me a moment to pick him out among the others who were virtually identical in appearance. I feared for a moment that I might have to start all over again.

But then I picked him up a second time by chance.

The way he looked at me, as if he were allowing me to touch his cup... there was only one fish like that.

He traveled well, except when it came to turning right or left. Up and down hill was okay, and even the car vibrating at a stop light didn't disturb him. But turn left or right and he flew into momentary violence. I was certain he was afraid, but he masked it in rage.

But when the car straightened out and the water calmed, so did he.

He would swim in a circle once, then stop at the edge of his cup, nose barely touching its wall.

When we got home, I set him on my desk while I filled his new home with water and set up the filter (I hadn't done that beforehand, since I couldn't be sure I'd find the right fish).

I tried to coax him out of the cup, so the dirty water wouldn't mix with his clean water, but he was having none of it. Again, he was unlike any other fish I'd dealt with before.

While most flipped and squirmed as though utterly terrified, he simply slipped out of my hand and acted as if he were offended. Not really angry, more annoyed than anything.

I finally gave it up and poured him into the tank.

He shimmered in the water, shinier and brighter than any fish I'd had.

Once again, his behavior was unexpected.

Instead of panicking or freezing in surprise, he simply swam along as if he owned the place.

That is, until he bumped noses with something that was actually inside his tank: a thermometor.

Actually, I'm not sure which startled him more: the size of his tank or the fact that something was in it.

He froze where he was, then slowly and carefully backed away from the thermometor.

I'm quite certain that his eyes would have widened if that were at all possible.

He was so startled that he kept right on backing up. Then he seemed to realize there wasn't an edge where he expected there to be.

He slowly turned in the water, and seemed to hang there a moment, puzzled.

He was so accustomed to his cup that he wasn't sure what to do with all this space.

Then he suddenly had a new problem. He needed to take a breath of air.

In a quick flurry of panic he swam upwards, getting more frantic as he found that the water was much, MUCH deeper than he had first supposed.

Finally he broke the surface with so much force that half his body was out of the water before he stopped. He splashed back into the water and hung there for a moment, taking several breaths.

After that, he managed to regain his composure one more time.

He swam around near the top of the tank at first, examining the thermometor and plant, then the filter.

Then he swam just a little lower and investigated his “log”. A little lower and he was eying the different “rocks” at the bottom of his tank curiously.

All the time, he reminded me of a king surveying his kingdom.

I knew at once that he deserved a name which sounded like royalty.

I also knew that, no matter how long he lived, he would not be like any fish I'd had before.

Appearancewise, he was far more striking than any fish I'd had before.

I didn't know if he was going to stay that way or not. I figured he would get darker with age, just like the rest of my fish had. I also expected that his tail would grow out as well.

When I got him, it looked sort of like a half circle. My Bettas had all had tails sort of like ponytails. At least, they did once they got older.

The first names I thought of involved “Rogue” and “Lobo”.

But this was no rogue. This was a King, Emperor or Pharoah. Only I didn't like those names.

I jokingly thought of “spot” and “white tip” when I saw the white spots in front of his eyes and on the ends of two of his fins (which were red, as opposed to the rest of him which was blue).

I also thought of “Magic” and “Merlin”. But he was no wizard.

I wondered what a suitable name for a future king was. Certainly not “Arthur”, simply because it also had the association with a television show of the same name.

He would be difficult to get to know, I could tell already.

He was always ready to show off, to be sure, and wasn't at all shy.

But his displays seemed more like a ritual or performance.

As if he were gracefully accepting his role as a thing of beauty. Politely playing for his subjects, or perhaps his audience. It was hard to tell.

It was when he thought I wasn't looking that I would come to know him.

It wasn't long before it became evident that he was very playful and energetic, and also very curious.

Yet at the same time he was always businesslike, hiding his “childish” behavior in a veil of purposefulness. His games were disguised as “making the rounds”.

This was truly an intriguing character I'd gotten my hands on.

And he deserved a name which fit his more unusual personality.

But what would it be?.

Mom had jokingly suggested “King Tut”, but it had gotten the wheels turning. The names of famous leaders spun through my mind, but I knew far too little about most of them to know how well they suited my little royal friend.

But then a name caught in my mind and stuck “Solomon”. But was it too much of a name for such a little blue creature?. It had the same flavor to it as all the other names I'd been mulling over. The only other name that kept making a nuisance of itself was “Zephyr”.

I'd had him for just over a week when he built his first bubble nest.

It wasn't too big, but he had obviously taken great care with it. And, for the first time, he seemed to notice me outside his tank. He frilled, but it seemed to be more for show than anything.

In fact, he seemed to be showing me that he knew what to do to protect his nest.

I was reminded of one of the VHS tapes I watched as a kid. It was about Solomon. In that animated show, he'd said “so many things to know, so many things to remember”.

It was right after he'd been crowned king, and he was having a bit of trouble getting the hang of it.

That was, of course, followed by the story about the two women fighting over the baby.

Strangely, one of my favorite Bible stories as a kid. That and The Good Samaritan.

It was as if something in the very way this little fish moved reminded me of that tape about Solomon. His color was even the same as the robes Solomon was wearing.

It was as if a silent voice was whispering “my name is Solomon”.

I giggled at the idea. But Solomon he was.

I soon noticed a few other peculiarities in the new prince.

First, when I fed him, I realized that he chose very specific pellets. The pellets are different sizes and colors (who knows why). He always ate the small, reddish brown ones first, then the large ones of the same color. After that, he took the small dark pellets, then the large pale ones, followed by the small pales ones. He wouldn't eat the large dark ones. But he also made sure to leave at least three pellets, no matter how many or few I gave him. He would eat them over the course of the day.

Solomon was evidently a picky eater. But his behavior while carefully examining, then selecting, the pellets gave the impression that he had perfect right to be.

Second was the first time I left the house after I got him. I turned the lights out and expected to come back to a fish expecting his breakfast. They usually did the first few times I turned the light out for several hours. After all, when I went to bed I turned the light out for several hours.

It's pretty much all the same to them. Or not.

When I got home, Solomon put his frill out and swam to the front of his tank. Then he suddenly folded his frill and veered off, swimming away... indignantly?.

Quite frankly, he found my absence (or the absence of light) offensive.

This fellow would take a little getting used to.

But that was alright with me. We had, I hoped, a long time to make friends.

I could tell already that it wasn't going to be very easy.

He wasn't aggressive or afraid of me, I was simply beneath him.

I wondered if there was a way to get him to see me as something other than a servant to do his bidding. Or was that really how he saw me?.

I remembered the first few days, where he hid his real opinions with a lot of display.

Could it be that he felt we were sort of friends, but that it would be indignified to show it?.

Or was I simply overthinking the matter?.

Oh well. I had the rest of his life to find out how I fit into it.

The rest of his life to get acquinted with this king in a fish's body.

The rest of his life to discover who, exactly, was this Solomon?.

FireCloud: Blue-Eyed Soul

I lost a good friend today. He was friendly and fast, but somehow easily forgotten. Why?.
Because he was a fish. And not just any fish. He was a fish who reminded me of another, very special fish I had just before him. And, in the end, he gave me a very special gift.

Oddly, I've written very little about Cloud in the year and a half that I've had him.

It's strange to think how I could write many stories about spiders, who I rarely even see and who don't usually live terribly long, in terms of other animals I study.

It has occurred to me only now that I actually know less about Cloud and his habits than all my other fish. Maybe he's simply less interesting, but I doubt it.

After all, there was one thing about him in particular that got my attention from the moment I saw him.

He had brilliantly blue eyes set against a deep red body with gold undertones and gray on his face.

Though in normal light, his eyes don't look any different from most fish, they are definitely a different color from his body. They showed up well under the pet-store lights.

Because of the obviously different color of his eyes, I could clearly see when he turned them to look at me. It had never occurred to me to wonder if fish could turn their eyes or not. They can.

He sat in his little cup, half turning his body and then looking at me with those clear blue eyes, and I wondered if he wanted to know what I intended to do with him.

Actually, I called him “Blue Eyes” and “Blue” before he got his name.

He looked so much like FireFlash (who was still living at the time), yet so different.

He was so calm as I decided his fate, but so aware of his surroundings.

No matter where I moved along the shelf of fish, those blue eyes were looking right at me.

It was as if he somehow knew. He somehow knew that, out of all the people looking at Bettas that day, I would be the one to bring him home.

I tried looking at others, but whenever I looked back, there he was, just looking.

I have no way of knowing what he was thinking when he looked at me, but it's hard to deny a creature which is obviously suffering who is reaching out to you, asking you to rescue it.

Cloud came home with me that day. And was promptly mistaken as Flash by several people.

To me, the two could never be the same. But to everyone else, they were simply red fish.

Flash didn't have the gold on his belly, and the gray on his face was lighter, shinier.

Flash also sported purple stripes along his sides and on his lower fins.

And, of course, Flash did not have the blue eyes of Cloud.

Nor did he enjoy eye contact (most fish don't) like Cloud. Cloud loved to be seen, but only if he could see you too. He seemed to like making eye contact.

“Let's study each other for awhile” he seemed to suggest.

Cloud actually got the first part of his name because he looked so much like Flash. I chose “Fire” as opposed to “Flash” to be part of his name, because I called FireFlash “Flash” for short.

Cloud got the second part of his name because of how he built his bubble nests. He built them high and all the way across the front of his tank, so they looked a lot like rolling clouds.

Next thing I knew, his name was FireCloud.

Cloud was excitable and very fast, even for his kind.

Catching him when it came time to clean his tank was a good trick.

He was small, and lightning-quick. He and MoonShadow were the difficult pair when it came time to clean the tanks. BlueStreak, who I had already had for a year before Cloud (who came a month before Shadow), was more experienced and knew tank cleaning was nothing to be afraid of.

Cloud, on the other hand, was rattled for the rest of the day. First he just hid, then he went over and over each of his rocks, as if to make sure I hadn't stolen them.

Cloud had an odd habit of chewing his rocks and often managed to scrape the paint off of them (funny, the ones he managed to remove paint from were the set I actually bought from the pet-store).

He didn't seem to eat the paint, just pull it off and leave it floating somewhere in the tank.

He ate almost everything else. If something new appeared in his tank, the first thing he did was taste it.

Cloud actually became rather round as he got older, sporting a gold “pot belly”. But cutting back on his food didn't seem to do much good. It only agitated him, and he kept the pot belly.

It didn't seem to slow him down any, he was as hard to catch as ever.

Not to mention just as excitable. When something unusual was happening, he'd flit around his tank. Either with glee or terror, I never managed to figure out which.

Cloud had a mischievous streak as well. He found it greatly entertaining to pull his tank thermometer off the wall and then freak out because it was floating over his head.

But since he kept right on doing it, I suspect it may have been a game.

Each time I attached it to the wall, he'd go right over and yank it off.

It got to where I just sort of left it loose in the tank during the summer. After all, I could read the thermometers on either side of him from Shadow and Bluey's tanks.

Cloud also thought it was fun to detach his tank filter. That one I had to reattach every time, since it didn't work if it wasn't attached properly.

Fortunately, it took more work for Cloud to remove, so it stayed on the wall longer.

Cloud also seemed to enjoy sleeping behind his filter. This scared me one day when I went to reattach it and found him back there.

I nudged him out with the filter so I wouldn't crush him, then attached it to the wall.

Cloud didn't so much as twitch a fin.

I thought he might be dead. Fortunately, he wasn't. But it did make me wonder, when I wasn't sure if he was alive or not. After all, Cloud was easily the youngest of the three I had (Shadow had been full grown when I got him, whereas Cloud wasn't fully grown until I'd had him for about five months).

He also had always been the healthiest, save for his pot belly.

Shadow had actually been sick when I got him.

I'd actually been expecting Bluey to go for some time, as I'd had him for over two years.

And Shadow, I didn't expect him to last long when I got him, but he was still alive.

But Cloud... I expected some time, but not before the other two.

But he woke up, and was greatly offended to find that he'd been disturbed in his sleep.

He fanned his fins at me angrily for awhile, telling me off I suppose. Then he went back to bed.

What a fish.

Cloud wasn't hard to offend, truth be known. Looking at him funny seemed to offend him.

And when I moved him and the rest to another room, he sat in the bottom of his tank sulking and refused to eat for two days. Then he got over it and actually seemed to like the change.

Shadow had also sulked, but ate well. Bluey obviously knew the difference, but didn't care.

I worried over Cloud for those two days, wondering if he was sick. Or if he simply didn't like this new room and wouldn't adjust. What would I do then?.

Thank goodness I didn't have to find out.

He actually gave me quite a scare on the third day when I added some fresh food and looked to see if he'd moved. He hadn't, then but suddenly sprang to life.

He swam quickly right to the front of the tank as though charging, then abruptly changed direct and went right for the fish food.

Evidently, he was no longer depressed.

His appetite returned to normal and his attitude about the new room improved.

It wasn't really THAT big a change for him. Actually, it was less of a change than it was for the other two. After all, he had a playmobil wall on either side and behind his tank so he wouldn't see the other Bettas. Which meant only his front view changed.

Maybe that's what he was mad about.

Hitting Cloud's panic button wasn't too difficult. Actually, he and Shadow were much alike in some ways. Both were easily frightened and had just about the same solution: stick their head in a plant and hope the scary thing went away. If it came closer, hide behind the filter.

Of the regular frightening occurrences in their lives, the vacuum cleaner seemed to be the most alarming. While Bluey could care less what the vacuum was doing, Shadow and Cloud would dive for cover when they heard/felt/saw (or however they sensed it) me turn it on.

As I vacuumed closer, they would shrink back farther. But as I vacuumed away, they would start to peek out, only to dive back into deep cover when they saw me looking.

Seems like they'd get used to something I do pretty much once a week. Guess not.

Bluey, for his part, never really cared about it.

After I turned the vacuum off, Shadow and Cloud's behavior changed.

Shadow would come out slowly, turning so that one eye faced out, then turning so the other one did.

Cloud, evidently, felt that his status as king of his own personal fish tank was threatened.

He would mock-charge the tank wall and frill out until he could no longer see the vacuum.

Then he'd swim around his tank as if he'd won a great victory.

Of course, as near as I could tell, Cloud didn't like anything new or anyone he didn't know.

This included visitors, cats, birds, model horses and any rock he hadn't seen before.

He got over it, usually.

However, he never got over seeing another fish tank, even if it was empty. That was apparently wrong.

He seemed to suspect that I had other fish, and the tanks confirmed his suspicion and made him very, very angry. Cleaning his tank was such a pain.

There was one creature he didn't seem to mind, and that was the spider who lived behind my dresser for a few months. The first time I saw it, Cloud and the spider were facing off on opposite sides of the tank wall. The little black spider had its front pair of legs raised high, fangs poised to strike.

Cloud had his frill out and kept charging, veering off just short of striking the tank wall.

He seemed to be trying to create the illusion that there was nothing keeping him from the spider.

Since the spider was standing halfway up the tank wall... that illusion wasn't working.

Yet each time he passed close, the spider would raise its legs higher and tilt its tiny fangs out.

It was hardly the size of a dime, legs and all, but utterly ferocious.

Of course, the whole fight was so ridiculous that I couldn't help but try to hold in my laughter and wait to see how it would turn out.

The spider was the first to offer a sign of piece, slowly putting her front legs down on the tank wall and folding back her fangs. Cloud responded in kind, folding his frill away as he turned back towards her.

Then he swam slowly, sidling up to her. He then waited, nose pressed to the tank wall, just an inch from where she sat. She turned her body, looking at him out of eight shiny eyes.

Then she took a step towards him. He responded by paddling a little closer.

Then they were directly opposite each other, staring out of big eyes at one another.

This became an almost daily routine, minus the fighting beforehand.

She would come striding up the tank wall every night and wait for Cloud to notice her.

Then they would inch their way towards each other and sit face to face for some time.

Then she would slowly make her way back down and behind the dresser, to do whatever spiders do.

This continued until her death a few months later.

I found her lying just in front of Cloud's tank, with Cloud sitting over her like a silent guard, keeping scavengers away from her. Of course, he couldn't actually do that, but the intent was there.

I left her there until Cloud finally went off, several hours later. Then I took her outside.

I never knew why she had died, perhaps old age. She hadn't been bitten by another spider, as so often happened and she never had been wanting for food since there was a large supply of fleas and moths at that particular time.

I wondered what she and Cloud had talked about, if he knew she was dead, or if he knew why.

I also wondered why they had decided not to fight that day and become friends. Had one of them said “let's not fight, let's study each other for awhile”?.

I'll never know the answer to that.

It had been a long time since Cloud made one of his famous cloud-like bubble nests. But the day he died, he spent hours upon hours building a nest, just like the first one he ever built. The nest which had earned him his name. It was as if he was building it just to say goodbye.
As if he were saying "this is how I came into your life. And this is how I leave you. Always happy, always interested in life. My life ends here, but that's okay. You can go on with yours,"

FireCloud

Rescued: April 16th, 2010

Died: October 2nd, 2011 

Thanks you, my friend. And goodbye.

Cool

September 15, 2011

I've just come to the horrifying realization that I use the word “cool” when something is so impressive/interesting that I speak without thinking.

Cool?. Really?. Sounds like something from the eighties or nineties to me :P

That's not really related to anything else in this post, but I figured I should tell everybody so they'd know why it is that I chose this particular title for my blog post.

So my sleep has been being mean to me again and so I'm sleeping during the day and staying awake all night. Sometimes I wonder if I should plan my life along those lines. Then I'd probably be waking up at 7AM instead of feeling like going to sleep :P

Yesterday it occurred to me that I now have a room that's completely safe to have Chewy in. There's a door, so the cats can't come wandering in. And said door has a lock, so nobody else can come in either.

I also realized that I could care less what Chewy smells like, and vacuuming my room is half the pain it used to be. After reasoning all this, I decided to bring Chewy in.

Even though he hasn't been in the house in probably close to a year (if not more), he actually still remembers all of his 'manners', except for keeping his nose of the dish washer.

Still, he remembers to stay out of the garbage can, stay behind me when I'm walking and not wander off. Most importantly, he remembers not to 'go' inside the house.

He actually remembers so well that sits without command for me to put his leash on to leave the room and when I'm heading towards my room, he tries to go to my old room. He knows where I'm going, and he remembers where I used to live. Cool.

Yesterday went off pretty much without a hitch, except when Granny let Cody and Ricky in and they came face-to-face with Chewy.

It worked out though, he didn't try to chase them and I put him out in the yard while the cats ate, then let them out the front door.

Around seven this morning, I decided to do what I'd done yesterday. I figure this won't work out as a regular thing, but I should let him in when I can. Especially since I probably won't be able to have him in ever this time next year :\

So first I let the cats in for their morning meal. Scout, Ricky and Cody all came in.

Cody, naturally, ate first. Frequently, he'll let the others go first. But when they haven't eaten all night, he goes first, as the 'lead' cat, it's his right.

Usually he wants right back out, but for some reason this morning it was nothin' doin'.

I thought “oh no, now that I've got Chewy out in the backyard waiting to come in, Cody will up and decide to sleep on my bed or something”.

But he stayed near the door and meowed at me whenever I passed, following me to the food dish, where he'd stop and sit down, looking pointedly at Ricky or Scout (whichever was at the bowl).

It didn't make any sense to me. There was food in the dish and he'd already eaten. What was the matter with that cat?. Finally, Ricky and Scout were done.

Scout went right outside, but Ricky went upstairs. But when he heard the front door open, Ricky came right down. Cody sat in the door until Ricky was out, then went out himself.

It was then that it hit me. Cody was protecting Ricky and Scout.

He knew I'd had Chewy in yesterday, and I probably would again today.

Cody was making sure Ricky and Scout got out before I brought Chewy in. Cool.

Yesterday when I was writing and listening to music, I noticed that Chewy's behavior changed when the mood of my story changed. He seemed to sense how I was reacting to my story (my emotions are generally swept along with the story, even if the reader would never be affected) or the music I was hearing. Paying closer attention today, I found that he was, indeed, responding.

If it is an especially sad piece of music or place in the story, he will whine and come to lie right next to my chair with his ears lowered and eyes on me.

If the music or part of the story has me feeling angry or aggressive, he will get up and pace around, turning his ears back and forth. He'll lie down somewhere, then immediately get up with kind of a grunt sound, then pace some more. Then he'll lie down again.

If it's a very intense (usually action, but sometimes not) part of the story, I'll forget about everything around me until I'm finished, whereupon I'll suddenly realize I'm being stared at. He'll be standing pressed up against my chair, staring intently at my keyboard.

Very cool indeed.

This isn't something I've recently noticed, I've actually known for some time.

If I'm in the front yard or house with Chewy on leash, the cats simply aren't as worried as when he's loose. Still, they'll run when he's a yard or so away from them (if they can).

All except Cody- if I've called Cody by name and looked him in the eye (it does have to be both).

Somehow he knows that I would never intentionally jeopardize him and I can actually come within two feet with Chewy, if I've acknowledge Cody.

If I haven't he runs just like all the rest. Somehow he knows that I haven't seen him if I haven't looked at him and talked to him. And if I haven't seen him, I don't know to keep Chewy away.

I don't know how Cody actually reasons all this or how he knows the things he does, but it's pretty darn cool if you ask me.

Last on the cool list may not mean much to most of you guys, but it's pretty interesting to me.

If my stomach (underside, if I were a dog) is somehow facing Chewy (say I'm looking under the bed for something or leaning over him to reach the counter because he's in front of me), he will instantly avert his eyes. Now, I know what some of you would think. You'd think he's being polite and not staring (unlike most cats, who will intentionally- at least it seems that way -paw all over you).

But what it actually appears to be is that he's being respectful to someone dominant in the pack.

A submissive dog shows their belly to a dominant dog. And, apparently, averts his eyes from the dominant animal's belly. I've never read about this, but it makes instant sense.

The belly and throat areas are especially vulnerable, so the submissive dog in the pack is exposing himself to the dominant one's sharp teeth and strong jaws. He's firstly showing the other that he means it no harm, everybody's heard about that.

But it's important to note that the dominant dog has a certain responsibility to the submissive one.

While he can bully the submissive dog, even decide to bite and hurt it, he also has the responsibility to take care of the submissive one. It's the dominant dog's job to defend the territory, find food and take the greatest risk in bringing down the prey.

The submissive is showing his belly not just as a sign that the other is dominant over him, but that he trusts the dominant dog not to hurt him.

You see, when dogs who don't know each other meet, they determine who is dominant over whom. This is generally done simply by sniffing, but sometimes they have to “show off” a little. They stand straight when they exchange identities by sniffing. But by the time introductions are over, one has his tail and head a little lower. This is the submissive dog.

But this dog will not roll over and show his belly to the other dog. And a fight may break out if the dominant dog tries to make him.

Obviously, he accepts that he is submissive to the other dog, but does not trust it enough to show his throat. He doesn't trust the dog not to hurt him.

When interacting with people, most dogs routinely roll over to have their belly rubbed. They seem to actually like it. But they also show their belly and lay their head back to show their throat for another reason. They're letting us know that we are dominant over them and they trust us to take care of them.

It's generally accepted that a dog who will not roll over considers himself dominant.

And a dog that rolls over at the drop of a hat has been abused and thinks that's the only way not to get beaten up or driven away.

But I have personally met dogs which obviously obey their owners, but will not roll over.

These are usually recently acquired dogs, who are trained but don't yet know their new owner.

Typically, after they've been with their new owner for a few weeks or months, they roll right over.

Evidently, rolling over is a sign of not only submission, but of trust as well.

But why do dogs roll over so easily?.

Well that's simple. With the exception of young, intact males, most dogs would much rather be submissive than dominant. That's because a lot is expected of a dominant dog.

He has the job of guarding the territory, maintaining order within the pack, finding food and deciding what sort of behavior is and is not appropriate for the members of the pack- especially puppies.

Not only that, but he must constantly fight to prove himself.

The strongest wolf does not always make the leader. If he is incompetent, the others will know and will either gang up on him and kill him- or leave entirely.

Your normal dog simply does not want that kind of responsibility.

By averting his eyes rather than staring, Chewy is letting me know he wants no part of my responsibilities as leader of his pack.

Obviously, he trusts me to make the right decisions for him, not to hurt him, to protect him and do what's best for him. So much so that he has no desire to challenge my authority- even if I am unknowingly giving him the opportunity to do so.

Of course, it's not so profound in all dogs. Like I said, most simply don't want responsibility.

Most are actually bred, raised and trained to behave like puppies.

They know they are not qualified to be leader.

But Chewy is much closer to wolf than most dogs. And he has challenged my authority time and again over the years. He's a very smart dog, a very capable dog and is very dominant towards other dogs.

Among dogs, he's either top dog or there will be a fight, no matter the size or strength of the other dog.

Since most dogs are very docile by nature and have practically forgotten their aggressive instincts, they back right off. They simply don't know how to approach a fight.

But Chewy does. And has fought several dogs over the years, always coming out on top.

Still, he's older now. And when I see him asleep, he seems so small and frail to me, compared to how he was. He used to really be something impressive to see, even when sleeping.

I'm older too. I actually outweigh him, and know something about handling dogs.

Apparently, for one reason or the other, he's made the decision for himself not to fight me anymore.

Way beyond cool.

THE Batman against a Freaked-Out Palm Tree

This was actually mostly written by July 16th, but then a bunch of craziness happened and I didn't have time (or energy) to finish it. But now, here it is, in all of it's badly written (and animated) glory....

 

 

Written on: August 2, 2011

Yeah I know, I haven't done one of these in a REALLY long time and y'all thought I never would do another one did you?. Well HA!. Shows what you know.

Anyway, this one's a bit different from my previous ones for three reasons.

Reason Number 1: This is half an hour long.

Reason Number 2: I'm making this stuff up AS I'm watching it for the very first time.

Reason Number 3: I actually spread the writing over multiple days

Because I actually had to rent this (as it is apparently NEVER, EVER going to become stream-able) I'm gonna make the most of it.

Meaning, I am definitely going to finish this (unlike the TMNT/Power Rangers cross-over. I couldn't finish WATCHING that, much less writing about it XP).

If you ever care to know, this is the pilot for the 2004 animated series The Batman, which some people claim is somehow related to both Batman: The Animated Series and Batman Beyond. Not sure how.

Also, for those of you who prefer my tales of real life or my apparently controversial posts or my random thoughts, those shall return..... whenever it is that they feel like it. So there :P

Just so you know “when I write stuff like this” they're actually saying that.

When I write “like this” that's just what I think ought to be said there.

So.... Bat in The Belfry....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

M'kay... first thing I'm seein' is that the sky is green. Freakin' GREEN!!!. Oh, and the buildings are all slanted. Did these people draw while standing on their heads perhaps?. Well done there, then.

Ew... close up of animated sweaty guy. The zoom out didn't help.

There is Sir Enormous Dude, who has a.... sniper rifle?. Rocket launcher?. What IS that!? O.O

Oh yeah, there's also the other token thug. That little guy with wacky hair and crazy eyes ~8(

“He's here” Yep. This is the intro for a Batman episode alright.

The sweaty guy is wearing sandles. Thanks for that close up.

Ooh look!. A cat!. No... that's a shadow.....

Captain Crazy Eyes has a chain. Sorry, dude, but your buddy outdid ya.

Sir Enormous has... a Sniper Rocket!. Or... something to that effect.

“THERE!!” A whoosh noise!. Omigosh, I'm so surprised!.

So... yeah... safe bet these guys are.... evil?.

They also have ugly curtains. Seriously, you're that terrified and you're in a room with open windows!!.

*chink* Ooh so shinay!! 8D. Now it's back to being a shadow.

Gee.. I wonder if that could have been Bat.... SHH!!!. We don't know about him yet!.... oh, right...

Gee.. I wonder if he's afraid of that guy in the shadows with the shiny objects... hmm....

Yep. I guess so. Well, there goes Sir Enormous Dude's sniper cannon. So much for that.

Here's a question, why are they in the dark?. I mean, it's dark outside. But they're NOT outside.

Sir Enormous and Crazy Eyes leap into the shadows and presumably get the living daylights kicked out of them. I guess the violence might have frightened the children...

Oh yep, there they are. All unconscious but not like... you know... bleeding or bruised at all.

See those creepy eyes in the shadows?. Those belong to a solitary and very rare bat with enormous slanted eyes shaped like almonds.

Sweaty guy finds that pretty darn scary. Ewww.... they drew hair on his chest... ewww....

And now he's doing the dumbest thing you can do when you have a Superhero in your living room who wants to knock your lights out. He's offering money.

What does he think a dude like Batman is gonna do with that?. Make a spare mask with it?.

It should come as no great surprise to anyone that Batman is not impressed.

So sweaty guy runs through curtains and leaps onto the window sill.

Gee, it's really far down. Must be all of... six feet. He'll never escape!!.

Oh, how brave. He DOES jump. And then runs like only a tubby animated character can.

And... that is just about the creepiest expression I have ever seen.

Run camera, run for your life!. AHHHH!!!.

Oh good, Batman stopped him from hurling himself at us. Whew, that was close.

Thanks, Batman!. You saved us :D

The sky. It is still green. Like... the color of well-watered grass green O.o

Seriously, you guys did all the detailing on these kinda lousy slanted buildings, and yet... green.

AHH!. A boot!. Oh, now we see Batman clearly for the first time, carefully back-lit by the conveniently full moon- AHHH!!!!!!!!!.

He's got muscles where NOBODY should EVER have muscles. And... like... no torso.

His chest just goes right into his legs, with their fearsome kneecaps O.o

Okay.... I'm not gonna make fun of his eyes any more. I promise.

Oh yeah, in addition to no torso... this guy has no hips. His thighs seem to be attached directly to his spine, which must be incredibly strong to support all those wacky, wacky muscles XD.

I can see why this guy is scared of him.

He's probably the most terrifying thing since.... well... at least since that female mutant turtle *shudder*.

“How do you do that?”

“I'm The Batman”

I like how his cape is all blowing in the breeze, then suddenly sweeps around him.

Does he time his words with the wind?. Can you get breeze reports in Gotham?. Cool.

Oh yeah, the one and only Batman..... wait a second...

AH!. No, no closeup!. HELP!. Get it away!. Get it away from me!!.

Ah, why thank you fade out. That's much better.

Hey wait a second!. Now the sky is orange. And the moon has a spider stuck in it...

“Commissioner Gordon, I do believe something is wrong with our sky”

Oh..... this is the theme song. No wonder the sky is weird. So... I'm not gonna describe this because the music is nondescript and the stuff keeps going by REALLY.... hey, you stole that from TMNT!...

Oh good, it's over.

AUGH!. Now the background buildings are green too!.

“Ah, my fiendish plan is working perfectly. Yesterday the sky, today the background, tomorrow... the world!. Mwahahahaha!!!”

So.. here's Batman...err THE Batman.. leaping into.. KITT?. Wait no. it's blue and black, never mind.

AUGH!. No closeups there!. I don't CARE if he's being safe and putting his seat belt on!.

SHOOF!. Time to drive... not KITT into the dusty... place ahead of him. Ah, who cares where he's going, that car spits blue flame out the back.

And.... we got left behind to watch the police dudes (Shut up) collect their captive criminals.

ACK!. His gloves have claws!. Where will the madness end!?.

Now watch as he drives into a secret entrance in... a giant hotel?... With wood-covered windows...

And now he's driving down a secret passageway... pretty sure the new Knight Rider stole that...

And now, safe in the batcave... AH!.

Alfred has big google eyes O.O and his mouth has vanished into his mustache without a trace.

I think that half second of techno music as The Batman removed his cowl was laughing.

I'll laugh too. He. He. He.

YAY!. Birthday cake!. Wait... three candles??....

I guess Bruce is three years old today. Man, he got started on this whole Batman thing kinda young.

Maybe THAT'S why he's so misshapen. He just needs to grow a torso yet, then he'll be fine.

While he's at it, maybe he could grow more cheek bone. Or perhaps he's just starving...

OH. It's his anniversary. Three years ago, he married a cowl. Proposed to a cape. Wait, what does that mean?. Anyway, he became THE Batman.

Too bad. I guess that means he'll never get that torso he always wanted. So... where is he gonna put that cake?. I mean... he's all arms, legs and chest and, presumably, his chest contains the usual things people's chests have. Like lungs.

Now he's gotta make a wish. With a frown like that, thinking of one must be painful.

Oh, yep. He wishes his parents were alive.

But he's not allowed to wish for that. So he's not gonna.

So he's just gonna blow out the candles... to their memory.

Meanwhile, where the sky is green and the buildings are slanted....

Oh. Now we're in a building. Doesn't anybody in this film believe in wallpaper?.

Look!. Picture of a bunch of people with weirdo hair cuts!.

And here's Bruce. Totally not being self-centered by watching himself on the news. Or in any case, watching people TALK about him on the news.

There are no decorations in this ENTIRE room. This huge room!.

And that is the tiniest, most pathetic sofa ever. Too bad Bruce isn't sitting in it, that'd look funny XD.

So... apparently the police want to take the credit, because they're calling THE Batman an “urban legend”. In response, Alfred is offering Bruce more bran flakes.

Ew... what a way to make something sound gross, Alfred.

Bruce is very intent on his bran flakes. And he's holding his spoon like a toddler does.

That bowl is the size of his head. How is he gonna eat all those!?.

Bruce is apparently pleased to be considered a myth.

He must like to pretend to be THAT Mothman in his time off.

Now that the chatter about the stuff we already saw is over, let's turn the TV off.

EEK!. Don't give us a close up of his arm!.

It's creepy. The lower arm is enormous, but the upper is tiny and vanishes into his unflattering T-Shirt which appears to be several sizes too big in all places save his shoulders.

Now, Alfred is being cruel. He's forcing Bruce to go to a sport's event.

He claims that it's so people won't become all suspicious-like, but I think he really just wants to traumatize poor young Batman. Alfred is so cruel. So cruel :(

Now enjoy this carefully drawn and detailed metal bridge, which apparently serves no purpose other than to stand over these poorly drawn and hardly detailed police cars.

Also, enjoy that pale yellow sky and those mandarin orange background buildings.

AH!. We cut to a bald guy with evil eyebrows and lips that hide under a triangular nose!.

Now, let us have a conversation with that annoying guy.

He seems to be confused about the uniforms for police officers and those for Army men.

He MUST be a crooked cop. Because he doesn't want anyone to see THE Batman as a hero.

Dude, a little late with that one, aren't we?.

And now, the bald guy gets a partner. A lady with crazy hair and slanted eyes that seem to continue beyond her head and right into her weirdo hairstyle.

Now enjoy the carefully detailed things that DON'T move.

See that filing cabinet?. Well it's irrelevant. See that... VCR?. Well it's not important EITHER!.

Oh no!. She's got an oriental name, but uses.... “Texan” phrases. HELP!.

Now, Chief Pointy Hair is going to explain to Baldy and Lady Damsel in Dis-... err... I mean... Wonderwom.... I mean... Catwo.... err... Big Hair Lady?. Yeah... we'll go with that.

And now, for some CGI water, buildings that stand up straight, but are about half an inch from the water and a normal colored sunset.

Whew, I bet they were glad to get that over with.

Now... watch as Bruce broods in a bright room. And listen while Alfred clears his throat.

Bruce's reflection looks old and wrinkly.

And now, Bruce must go out in public *shudder*. But he can take his trusty GPS and cell phone.

I guess the GPS is so he can always know where he is.

He must get lost a lot, traveling around in the dark.

And now, enjoy this sign made of bones. Wait, no. This is Arkham Asylum, your one stop shop for every kind of crazy!. Also, enjoy our rolling black clouds and lightning!.

See all those doors with their detailing and stains?. Yeah, ignore those.

See this one over here, that has none?. Yeah, you should worr-.... yeah... just lean on that door, now that you've seen that there's a crazy person in there who doesn't belong...

I can see already that he has wild green hair, a really long-sleeved sweater and blue hands.

Not to mention crazy red and yellow eyes. What the crazy town?.

What movie did I just walk into?. Who IS this freak!?.

Oh never mind, he's laughing crazily while throwing gas grenades at the guy. Must be Scarecrow.

Hang on there!. Scarecrow didn't have green hair!.

Apparently, Gotham has this rule. The sky is either green, sunset or it's stormy out.

You're not allowed to have anything else.

I ...uh... you guys should do something about those crazy people who check themselves in, knock out your orderlies and then set your patients loose. Like... lock them up or something.

AUGH!. He's got white bare feet with super-huge toes!. HALP!.

Meanwhile, at the police station with its super-awesome bridge and terrible buildings...

Baldy is explaining that THE Batman, in essence, is untraceable.

And Big Hair is typing... hey that's your monitor stand lady, not your keyboard!.

And now Big Hair is reading stuff on her screen. You know that scene I just described?. She just described what happened too. But with less detail. And bigger eyes 8| hmm.. no. O.O … no.... there's not really a key to compare with what she's doing. That guy has NO chin. And she has a very pointy face. She could put somebody's eye out with that chin of hers!.

They realize, after some stupidity, that THE Batman will find out too.

So they flee the room, to parts unknown.

And we zoom in on.... thanks... there's no picture or text there. Just green and blue boxes. You lazy art department, you didn't even give us anything to look at, but you made us see it anyway!.

Meanwhile, at the sporting event...

The crowd is unusually sedate for watching sports. And Bruce is flirting with two weird ladies.

Bruce, you're rich dude, you can do much better than two ladies with unnaturally shiny hair and bush-baby sized eyes. Although, with your own deformities, you guys are probably made for each other.

Then, with the least amount of subtlety he can muster, Bruce looks at his phone while sitting between the girls who are still hanging all over him like determined fleas.

“Arkham?”

Gee, Bruce, way to maintain a low profile *insert eye roll here*

At home, Alfred is watching TV while sitting on the couch, which has grown enormously since we last saw it. Maybe it's a shrinkable couch, to save space... in your giant... empty... room... yeah.

The news would like to film Bruce, but can only find some very disappointed bush babies...

Alfred is now angry. I guess he doesn't like bush babies. Oh well.

Here, audience, enjoy this alley, with its beautifully stoned street and stained walls and... purple drapes.

AUGH!. Another close up of Bruce's ugly mug!.

He presses a button and his car comes screeching around the corner.

I don't think this guy understands the whole “low profile” thing.

His car is apparently stupid and vrooms on past him, nearly running him down.

But he's apparently fine with that.

Now watch, as he pulls on his clawed gloves and buckles himself-... AHHH!!. Not the close up!. Help, save me!. This guy has no torso and they're making sure I can tell!.

Now he's hiding his face behind the mask. Good job, Bruce!.

No, no!. Don't show us a view of him from the car floor!. I don't WANT to see his weirdo crazy muscles. Unless, maybe, he's actually keeping a stash of chocolate bars in his suit. That MUST be it.

And now, witness if you will: our hero, driving worse than a drunk person at speeds rivaling that of the USS Enterprise (D)

Meanwhile, at Arkham.

“Will ya look at all them kooks in the road, Joe?. They're just walkin' in front of the car. Why, they must be crazy or somethin'!”

I think they just ran over one, being as their car kinda jerked and then stopped O.o

Hey look, giant Jack-In-The-Box!.

I guess we all know who that green-haired freak in the sweat shirt is now... The Riddler!.

Now, watch as the police (in their military green uniforms) observe the box as it plays its off-key tune. And then explodes.

Above, on top of a nearby building, THE Batman watches while frowning deeply and being cleverly back-lit by the moon. Again. Ooh, the sky is purple now!.

And now, after yet another unnecessary (and unwanted XP) close-up, he breaks into the asylum. Which is really where he belongs anyway (and I hope he stays there!).

Inside, there is a useless bridge (seriously, the thing leads from a window sill into a wall. No wonder people are always getting out of Arkham, it was designed by crazy people!), and a flashing red light that is trying to make us believe a nuclear explosion is about to occur. Or did occur. Or something...

See that puddle?. Inside the building?. See that shadow?. The one that looks like a six-legged spider with ears?. Yeah. That's the shadow of THE Batman. Sploosh.

And now he's looking down into the abyss. Arkham seems to be a tall castle. With stagnant water at the bottom. What sort of nuthatch is this?.

Look!. Open doors!. And more open doors!. And, and, I don't believe it!. Open doors!.

Hey, a janitor!. This janitor is full of drugs. They make him slap-happy.

This is worthy of white and red flashes. And gasping. And crazed giggling.

I'm gonna giggle too. Hee. Ha. Ha. Hee.

“Now, Mr. Janitor, I know you're all unconscious and REALLY, REALLY thrilled by that, but stop falling over. Alright, that's it, I'm gonna just lean you against this wall, m'kay?”

AH!. A barefoot demon on the ceiling!. With palm tree hair!. Save us, THE Batman!. Save us from his giant sweater and gingivitis!.

Apparently, he thinks he's a nutcracker, as he just clacked his enormous horse teeth together.

“Aw... now that guy's making fun of me. I'm gonna have to grab him by his ugly orange and purple sweater and demand his name!”

Ooooohhhhh.... don't worry, guys. It's only Joker. No, not The Joker. Just Joker.

I think THE Batman stole all the THE this series could stand.

Next, THE Batman tries to remove his makeup, because he wants to know the REAL identity of this freak of nature. And so do we. This can't be Joker. He's like.... a hyper-active eight-year old with a Halloween mask and the sweater his Grandma knitted for him last Christmas.

So, Joker tries to make THE Batman take drugs, but THE Batman stomps on his sweater sleeves and punches him. Aw... Grandma's gonna be so made at you, Joker, you ripped your lovely new sweater. It was made with love and THE Batman just tore it all up :(

And now, time for some random punching and throwing horrible, horrible jokes around.

Meanwhile, outside, where the sky is now black and the buildings standing straight with their windows all big like they're shocked 0.0.....

Baldy and Big Hair have arrived.

Big Hair immediately decides that waiting for helicopters so they can cross the bridge is stupid and leaps into the lake to swim to Arkham Castle...err.. Asylum.

Now, back to THE Batman chasing Joker and Joker leaping around on the walls like the floor is made of lava. Either that or he stole Spiderman's powers.

But that's Marvel, not DC. And I don't think those guys do cross-overs with each other, though they cheerfully thieve each other's ideas fairly regularly.

Then, Joker suddenly decides to leave. He throws some cards and we get to watch them in slow motion as THE Batman narrowly dodges them by.... about a foot.

He stares at them for a sec, then leaps up and chases Joker around a corner.

Only to find himself face-to-face with Jack. In da box.

And then he tries to STOP the music from playing. Because we somehow KNOW that's how the explosion gets set off. Couldn't, be like, a timer, right?.

He doesn't succeed, but we get to watch him escape in slow motion... from confetti.

Meanwhile, Big Hair has exited the lake, her hair magically undisturbed.

She and Baldy immediately decide to split up. Because that's a great idea.

Baldy runs around the building and finds himself face-to-face with THE Batman.

He tries to read THE Batman his rights, but THE Batman cares not and escapes, Spiderman style.

Somehow, Big Hair has run ALL the way around the HUGE building.

They then watch as THE Batman vanishes into the moon, his rope apparently attached to the sky.

Back at the cave, THE Batman has apparently brought the janitor... even though... we didn't see anyone with him.... earlier... oh well.... MEDIC!.... er, I mean... ALFRED!.

Now, enjoy our yellow sky and blazing sun, which sits in front of our background buildings because it's more important than they are....

Bruce is staring at one of the cards left by Joker and listening to the radio say... well... nothing important. Just stuff we already know!.

You know what the word “exposition” means, right guys?. It's to EXPOSE things we didn't already know. Or EXPLAIN them. You're not moving the plot. You're just wasting film.

And maybe wishing you had more plot. Bruce does look a little sad...

Now, for more non-exposition while Bruce thinks and Alfred talks.

And then Baldy arrives!.

Time for a commercial.

And Bruce was arrested and never heard from again. Yay!. Oh wait... never mind.

They make some dumb jokes at each other and are apparently friends.

And Bruce plays basketball.... sometimes.

Now we get to watch them drink... tea?. Out of coffee-mugs.

And we find out that Baldy wants to talk to someone not involved in his current case (yeah, that one where he's supposed to catch THE Batman). And out of ALL the people he knows, he came to Bruce.

Because he's obviously not involved XD.

And Alfred drops a vase while dusting.

They make some more dumb jokes while.... not giving us exposition *sigh*.

And, naturally, Baldy actually thinks THE Batman is one of the good guys.

Only, it's still his job to catch him.

And now, a word from our sponsor. Wait, no. It's just THE Batman looking at one of Joker's cards. With his creepy... claw-hands.

And now he has found a wacky place which looks pretty much like Joker's lair.

Only in crazy-town would the cops not notice what it looks like.

So, sure enough, there's Joker. And he tries to tell another lame joke.

And Joker does the “we're so much alike” routine.

THE Batman is not impressed, so Joker throws a sack of sand at him and escapes in his weirdo clown blimp, which we somehow know is full of the wacky-gas.

“What is that?” cry the people of Gotham.

“Is that really sky?. It's the color of tomatoes!”

So Joker is heading the blimp for a conveniently placed golden statue with a spear, so he can pop it and spread crazy all over Gotham. Not that it would hurt them or anything.

Wouldn't popping the blimp cause him to fall out of the sky?.

And wouldn't that be... you know... a bad thing?.

THE Batman leaps into his batmobile and gives chase. ZOOM!.

Meanwhile, Baldy and Big Hair have realized that there is a crazy dude with a blimp over their city.

And the spear statue is very shiny for it being nighttime and all.

Although, on the other hand, it's still a full moon and the sky is a brilliant crimson.

So Joker giggles madly and moves around on his blimp like spiderfreak.

Suddenly, THE Batman leaps from above!.

Wait a tick.... he was in his batmobile last I saw.

So... let's make more lame jokes and hit each other for awhile. Whee.

Below, Baldy and Big Hair give chase in their little brown car.

They make lame jokes too.

And watch while THE Batman and Joker hit each other and try to knock each other out of the blimp.

Dramatic music time. And Joker tries to knock THE Batman off the blimp with a GIANT hammer.

Where was he keeping that thing?. In the magical “behind your back” place?.

Oh well, no matter. Time for THE Batman to throw a line out and attach himself to a huge water tank.

Remember that scene in Spiderman 2 where Spiderman was in front of the train and tried to stop it?.

Well, this is like that, only in the air and THE Batman is suspended between the blimp and the water tower by his grappling hook. Oh, and he's trying to change the blimp's direction, not stop it.

But otherwise, it's identical. For those of you who are so unprivileged that you haven't yet seen that movie, just imagine a dude trying to stop/change the direction of something five or six times his size. And “huurggh”-ing and “huhhggg”-ing a lot.

You get the picture. I'm sorry.

So... anyway... the blimp narrowly misses its target and instead floats on down a side street.

Or towards the ocean, now that we changed angles.

“East. Gotham Bay”

Thank you Big Hair for that startling revelation. It's not like we can SEE the bay out the front of the car or anything. Or maybe Baldy is blind. I'm sorry, Baldy, I had no idea.

Uh-oh. Joker is a sad clown now. And his hammer is bigger than it was in the last scene O.o

But THE Batman is ahead of him and is now behind him (hehehehe.... I know what I did there).

Time for one last bad joke, then we'll dump this blimp in the ocean, about five feet from shore oughta do it. It's not like we're gonna hurt those fish any with our crazy gas....

Not-KITT has now transformed into a speedboat, for timely getaways after sinking blimps.

But Joker gets away with the clever use of parachute. That means we'll have to see him again in future. Oh no!!!. O.O

But at least we saved the city, polluted the ocean, killed some fish, made bad jokes and did manage to send Joker to Arkham (where he started out in the first place!).

Good work has been done here.

Time to speed off into the bright red sky, “beautifully” lit by the enormous full moon, leaving behind a torn up blimp, Joker and Baldy and Big Hair, who will, hopefully, learn from this experience and retire.

Oh yeah, and we also fixed up the janitor while nobody was looking.

He's back on duty, doing the same thing he was doing before.

Dude, don't quit your day job. Whatever it is, it's better than walking around in a leaky castle and checking off crazed inmates on your clipboard.

And now, we leave you with a final lame joke from Joker and his crazed giggling.

He. He. He. He.

Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.